I Asked God to Hold My Hand

Almost 20 years ago, I was waiting outside my company to collect my documents and start my first IT job. I sat under a banyan tree.

That day I felt God ask me a simple question:

“Are you ready to hold My hand today?”

I said:

“Lord, I am ready to hold Your hand. But I know myself… I am fragile. Sometimes I may let go. Sometimes I may walk far away from You. I may mess things up. So, Lord, don’t just ask me to hold Your hand… You hold mine.”

And He did.

It has been nearly 20 years since that day.

I have not walked this far because I was strong enough, faithful enough, or perfect enough. I walked because His hand held me when mine slipped.

If you ask me whether I am perfect today, the answer is no. Not even close. I still stumble. I still make mistakes. I still wander. I still take my eyes off Him.

But when I mess up now, I know where to return: His presence, His grace, His Word, and the hand that never let go of me.

These lines say it better than I can. I share them in Tamil and English, because both are home to me:

தளர்ந்த போது என்னை தேடி வந்தீர்
உங்க வார்த்தை தந்து என்னை தேற்றினீர்
காத்திருந்த காலத்தில்
பெலன் தந்து தாங்கினீர்
ஏற்ற வேளை என்னை காண்பித்தீர்

When I grew weary, You came looking for me
You gave me Your word and comforted me
In the waiting season
You gave strength and held me up
At the right time, You showed me the way

The years in between

My first IT job in India was not impressive. I handed out software license CDs with printed keys. In free time I wrote Java and small web apps. One day a manager’s friend walked by my desk, saw what I was coding, and asked me to join his team. That pull changed everything.

I did BI work for a bank in India, then moved to the Gulf for banking, government, and oil and gas customers, mostly on collaboration platforms. As soon as I landed I missed my family so much I cried and wondered if I had made a mistake. The work was good. The loneliness was real. I learned a lot from networking engineers and managers there anyway. The motto from my school days stayed with me: be first, or be with the first, and learn before you try to lead.

Bangalore again. Then in 2013, Austin, on an H1B filed by a consulting company. I still thank the manager who submitted that paperwork.

I contracted at a semiconductor company, then joined a large enterprise software firm (later acquired) as a principal application developer. For years I lived in collaboration suites and low-code platforms. Good work. A narrow lane.

In May 2018 I was laid off in an acquisition wave.

The year before, we had bought a home and a car. We thought life had settled. I was on H1B. Sixty days to find a job or leave. Some offers came late. We packed and flew back to India.

That season hurt.

I prayed a lot about what to do next. Switching tracks was not new for me, but I wanted the next one to be wider. I chose cloud and DevOps.

I spent months at a startup in India and learned how fast small teams ship. Then I returned to the US and kept learning (Linux, networking, Docker, Kubernetes, CI/CD, and later security in the pipeline) and joined another fintech company. I am still thankful for everyone involved in those interviews. It was a great experience, and I do not take that door for granted. Free videos from Nana were some of the first explanations that made sense. Later I took longer courses, both to grow and so I could teach the people on my teams without guessing.

What I learned the hard way in that rebuild still sits with me. People trust what you show, not what you announce. Do not force a shiny tool onto a team that is drowning in tickets. Be willing to move before you feel ready. Talk to people when you do not need a job from them. Put money aside for your own learning. I did that even in India, before any employer paid for a course. And AI will change how we work; it will not remove ownership. Someone still has to care what ships.

I work in cybersecurity engineering at a fintech company now, a later chapter after that return. Docker Captain and AWS Community Builder came after years of writing and sharing, not overnight. I still study most mornings from about 5:30 to 6:30, before the house wakes up. Some days I still feel behind. The titles did not fix that.

One moment I will not forget: I was in Florida with my family when the email came that I had been named a Docker Captain. I had applied weeks earlier after nearly two years of learning in public. I almost did not believe it. Docker had not been part of my early career at all. Grace again, and a reminder that consistent, quiet work compounds.

If you are early in your career, searching from India, or sitting after a layoff with a short clock: I have been in that room. Stay patient. Keep practicing. Learn from anyone who will teach you, including people junior to you. God’s timing and our calendars are not the same thing.

Then I told the story out loud

That is the journey I sat down to share with Nana Janashia on TechWorld with Nana: the setback, the scramble, the rebuild, and what I would say to engineers in a hard season.

Watch the conversation here: YouTube interview.

Nana also wrote a LinkedIn post about it. I did not expect that many people to see it. If one person feels less alone, I am grateful.

I am writing this mostly as a thank-you. To God first. Then to the people who stayed with me when things were unclear.

Thank you

I do not walk alone.

Thank You, Lord Jesus, for holding my hand when I could not hold Yours. For finding me when I wandered. For rebuilding me when I broke. For never giving up on me. All glory is Yours.

To my wife and children: thank you for the quiet cost behind early mornings, weekend labs, moves, and uncertain months. You are my home.

To my family across continents: thank you for prayer, encouragement, and standing with us when the path was unclear.

To my managers and leaders, past and present: thank you for chances, hard feedback, trust, and room to grow.

To my co-workers and teammates: thank you for building with me, arguing with me when I needed it, and letting me learn beside you. Whatever good came from the work, we did it together.

To mentors and friends in India, the Gulf, Austin, and online: thank you for advice, introductions, late questions, and honest words. Nana, Nicole, and the TechWorld with Nana team gave me a platform I did not take lightly. Community friends who keep showing up for each other: I see you.

To everyone who watched, shared, commented, or sent a quiet message after the interview: thank you. That kindness humbled me.

I am not where I want to be yet. I am thankful I am not where I used to be.

Today my heart still says:

என் பெலத்தினால் ஒன்றும் ஆகாது
என் சுயத்தினால் ஒன்றும் நடக்காது
உந்தன் பிரசன்னத்தால் கூடுமே.

யெகோவா ஒசேனு, என்னை மீண்டும் கட்டுகிறீர்.
யெகோவா சபையோத், என்னை ஆளுகை செய்கிறீர்.
நீர் இல்லாமல் ஒன்றும் இல்லையே.

Nearly twenty years of grace and mercy. Years of being carried when I could not walk, rebuilt when I was broken, and led when I did not know the way.

I have nothing to boast about except His faithfulness.

My prayer is still the same:

“Lord, I am fragile. I may let go.
So please… You hold my hand.”

And He continues to.

எபிநேசர். இதுவரைக்கும் கர்த்தர் உதவி செய்தார்.

To God alone be all the glory.

Watch the interview on YouTube · Nana’s LinkedIn post

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